sick on Flickr” href=”http://www.flickr.com/photos/pushkill/5003400357/” target=”_blank”>Editor’s note: Andy reports in from Afghanistan with his vision of a Homebrewers’ Bill of Rights. Thanks for keeping America safe from afar, my Brother. I owe you a beer when you get back.
Brewers shall make no infringement respecting the use of hops, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of adjuncts, or of the yeast; or the right of the drinkers peaceably to partake, and to petition the brewer for a recipe of ingredients.
Well sterile equipment, being necessary to the purity of a homebrew, the right of the brewers to keep and bear sanitizing chemicals, shall not be infringed.
No drinker shall, in time of consuming homebrew play Quarters in any house, without the consent of the brewer, nor during time at a bar, but in a manner using only cheap domestic beer.
The right of Homebrewers to be sure that drinkers in their houses, to avoid unreasonable effort in cleaning, shall rinse used bottles free of yeast residue, and if a drinker leaves a bottle unrinsed, upon probable cause, supported by Oath or witness affirmation, and leaving a particularly difficult amount of residue in place, that drinker shall wash all bottles prior to the bottling of the next batch.
No Homebrewer shall be held to answer for skunked, or otherwise fouled beer, unless on the presentment of debris floating in the beer, except in cases arising from overcarbonation, or incomplete fermentation, when actual consumption may cause a public danger; nor shall any drinker be put in jeopardy of consuming two bottles from the same batch of skunked beer; nor shall the homebrewer be compelled by any offended drinker to drink his own skunked beer, deprived of ingredients, recipes, or equipment, without the consensus of the majority of beer drinkers that the brewer must be stopped; nor shall private property be taken for public restroom use, without just intoxication.
In all new recipe presentations, the homebrewer shall enjoy the right to speedy and unbiased feedback, by an impartial jury of drinkers in a manner in which the brew was intended to be consumed, based on the beer style which shall have been previously ascertained by the homebrewer, and to be informed of the hoppiness and mouth feel; to be confronted with criticism against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining people who like his beer, and to have the assistance of his spouse for his defence.
In brews of high specific gravity, where the alcohol by volume content shall exceed twelve percent, the right to use plastic cups shall be preserved so no fine glasses shall be broken, and no drunken incident shall be otherwise recounted to any spouse, according to the rules of common intoxication.
Common Ale yeast shall not be required when cold fermentation is imposed, nor dual or unusual fermentation be inflicted upon porters.
The general consensus of a homebrew by drinkers, that a beer is a stout, shall not be construed to deny or disparage the homebrewer the right of claiming his beer is actually a pale ale.
The beers not consumed by the homebrewer, nor whose consumption is prohibited by the spouse, are reserved for other homebrewers respectively, or to the people who shall appreciate the effort.